Narcissist uses Cognitive Dissonance to keep you PRISONER


This video examines how cognitive dissonance was discovered as well as how it can affect victims in a relationships with a narcissist. I too was a prisoner due to cognitive dissonance(among many other tactics the narcissist employs) But knowledge is POWER!!!!

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  1. So, Michelle, I have watched a few of your videos and you seem very open. You had mentioned getting physically sick while married the first time. Can you tell us what illness you suffered? And are you now healed since you got out? If so how long did the physical healing take. I'm asking because I developed type 1 Diabetes (aka juvenile or insulin-dependent)at 35 yo and my grandpa would always call it "emotional diabetes". So in a way I'm hoping that complete healing would include the physical as well.

  2. Thanks so much for this.  I had to go thru all of these things as well;  accepting that my husband didn't love me, that he was abusive, that he was  using some of my kids against me;  were the hardest of many other harsh realities.  Thanks for sharing, it means so much to know that someone else has gone through the same type of disturbing experience, uncovering their own reality.   I managed to get enough financially to be ok after the divorce and I am working on healing the relationships with my grown kids that he got to side with him… and its going well.  The weird part for me now, at the end of it, is how he convinced my 95 year old Dad, who I always thought loved me, along with my older brother, that I am the bad person;  my ex is now best friends with them both and I have no relationship with them.  I can only conclude that it was the dysfunction in my first family that caused me to be with a narc in the first place.  Just need to figure that part out.  Aside from it all, my life feels more and more whole and healthy and wonderful and yes, I agree, truth is sacred! For anyone in the desperate throws of realizing their life is a lie and their partner is abusive and the only way to go is leave them………I encourage those people to know that its all so worth it and there is a wonderful life ahead…….no matter how old you are!!

  3. When there is another voice speaking very softly in your head ~ taking notice of the 'wrongs' over & over again noted by your spouse… belittling you, disrespecting you and just being abusive in every manner possible – TAKE HEED. Instead of wanting to HUG your spouse ~ HUG YOURSELF Instead/OFTEN!!!!!! IF your spouse/gf/bf/sig other/partner IS NOT BEING NICE TO YOU – OR EVEN HAS ANY PLANS FOR SOMETHING GOOD IN YOUR LIFE ~ STOP. Say Good-bye & DO NOT LOOK BACK. Don't even think that they are capable of hearing you – or seeing themselves as they really are… just use the '2 X 4' method… a good HIT ON THE HEAD with a 2 x 4 might remind yourself of the pain you went through – ENDLESSLY. For 10 yrs I experienced cognitive dissonance ~ But I knew I was not the same person that I was before I married the narc. The truth plays through my mind often ~ and the pain floods in immediately, as I know just how abusive and sick this boy/man is. Sad thing ~ is now there is a new person in his life ~ yet to experience all of this 'love'. The TRUTH ENDLESSLY gets turned around with a narcissist. Your videos have excellent content. Testimonials… we, the abused, have soooooo….. much in common. There should be more support groups for survivors of narcissists.

  4. I was raised by a Narcisstic, alcoholic mother. Married a Narc. Broke free, by taking small breaks from him. Coffee w a girlfriend. Going to the library, etc. This way, I began to rescue my own mind. Eventually, I realized I was his Narc. supply. A slave. So I got a divorce.
    Great video! You are right. These guys do love to abuse. It's all about their power and control.

  5. How about wasting 26 years of your life and then waking up from a dream that you had been abused mentally emotionally by a covert narcissist and then seeing the truth that he had been sexually molesting my children

  6. You are such a sweet person. They love to choose women like us. I'm glad you got out and thank you for sharing

  7. Jehovah's Witnesses did the same thing. They said that Jesus was coming back in 1914 and again in the 1970s. They constantly change their predictions.

  8. The realizations you had were the same as mine! It’s so mind boggling that there’s people who are so dark!

  9. This was a very useful video. My sister was in a relationship with a quite severe narcissist. This person was formally her counsellor, when she was trying to recover from a previous bad relationship as well as healing from the abusive childhood that led to serious consequences for us in our adult lives.
    Coming from an abusive family of origin, it is not easy to know what “normal” relationships should feel and look like. Also our own neuropsychology was corrupted during our developmental years, so our own thinking and behaviour is not “normal”. As I understand it, narcissists are drawn to people like us who crave the love and appreciation that we never received as children. They get us hooked by the “love-bombing” at the beginning and when that starts to diminish we think it must be something that we’ve done or are doing wrong (the same reaction we had in childhood when our parents failed to love us unconditionally).
    I wonder if it helps to know that none of it was the fault of the victim. Unless we were previously very well-informed about how narcissists behave before starting the relationship, we were like lambs to the slaughter. Even prior information about narcissism doesn’t necessarily guarantee immunity, because no two appear exactly alike. I admit that after my sister’s experience, I went on to make friends with two narcissistic women in succession, but by some stroke of luck I was already married to a man who is definitely not on the narcissistic end of the spectrum. That I was already in a long-term marriage with a good man probably protected me from suffering as badly as my sister did, but it was still painful and has made me less trusting of people.
    My message is that NONE of it was your fault and even if it has happened more than once, you DID NOT DO IT KNOWINGLY . They are basically emotional con-artists. Cognitive dissonance explains a good part of WHY you didn’t see it sooner or didn’t want to believe it. The post about the neuropsychology involved also shows how your neurology, physiology and your subconscious mind can combine to trick you and distort your perceptions -the very same mechanisms used by Stage illusionists. So I repeat, NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT. No one chooses to be abused in this way.

  10. It’s like putting a frog in cold water and then boiling it slowly over 15 years (for me) and then when you finally realize you’re being cooked alive because he is sucking the life out of you, you have to snap out of it so you can jump out or get boiled to death…. thankfully my narcissistic became violent and that’s what snapped me out of it!

  11. You are so strong.,And self actualized after such abuse…great understanding!

  12. I'm your new subscriber! are you therapist? or just doing youtube about narcissm?

  13. Wow wow wow.!! This is exactly what happened to me from a covert female narc.! I phoned her hotel room when she was away overseas and some random guy answered the phone, who quickly hung up… omg disgusting, I tried to deny it to myself it even happened and this is exactly what cognitive dissonance is.!! Thank you so much for posting.!!! (10:2510:45) still cannot believe what you have said I thank you so much your a fantastic person.!

  14. Michelle, I dont know if you are a licenced therapist or not, but you are the best I have ever heard. I have listened to many of your videos. You are brilliant and beautiful. I grew up an only child with one, married one for 20 yrs and wanting to help my daughter who is with one. But I am really afraid because she is a severe alchoholic and is really messed up. She has been thru so much tragedy in her life. Hopefully, I will be led to the right decision. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the time you are taking to selflessly help others. Thankyou-I love you.

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